Of Mice And Monkeys

After reading this news item yesterday, I find myself checking my own sliced bread for murine stowaways. It's not at all likely that I'll find any, but something in my psyche makes me look anyway. It's the herd alarm signal - it's why you feel compelled to check the house for spiders after watching Arachnophobia. Anyway, is it only me who feels a little bit sorry for the poor mouse? Going about his business, finding a few crumbs to keep body and soul together, finding a nice warm, dry room full of delicious bread and then WHOMP! Game over. He's medium sliced. I believe they never did find his tail - which must worry the guy who'd already eaten some of the loaf.

Today, there's an even better animal story. It seems that the beleaguered organisers of the Delhi Commonwealth Games are employing langurs as monkey security guards to patrol various venues. Apparently there's been a serious monkey problem in Delhi for years, which can't be effectively dealt with as a significant proportion of the population consider them sacred. The answer - bring in bigger monkeys to scare off the smaller ones. But what if the small monkeys get wise to this and hire themselves some chimps as bodyguards? Then they'll have to send in the gorillas to protect the langurs. Worrying times for those concerned about a simian arms race.

Ok, I'm going to go and take my medication now. After checking the house for monkeys, of course.

ELO cellist killed by bale of hay

Mike Edwards - no longer facing the music

Of all the words I wasn't expecting to see in the same sentence this week, these are somewhere near the top of the list. This is one of those dreadful things that would be funny if it weren't true. I first heard of it when my dear wife told me "somebody from ELO is dead". I confess I was relieved to discover it wasn't Jeff Lynne, but this just made me feel guilty for the poor guy who actually died.

I now realise I have a mental order for who I'd be most upset about dying from ELO. It goes as follows:

1. Jeff Lynne
2. Bev Bevan
=3. Richard Tandy and Kelly Groucutt
4. Mik Kaminski
5. Anybody else.

(NB - this doesn't include Roy Wood, who I mentally classify as an entity in his own right. If he WERE in the list he would be =1 with Mr Lynne.)

Of course, poor Mike Edwards (damn, I just had to look up his name again) is at the bottom. But I am still a little bit sad, especially on learning that he would sometimes play his cello with a grapefruit "in order to make the band more entertaining". I wish I'd seen that.

Bikini-clad women mow lawns in Memphis

Oh yes, they do! This is, of course, a silly season news item I saw on Yahoo, but I find the title amusing. I'm going to keep an eye open for similar texts with a view to compiling a Virtually Useless Phrasebook for translation into Popular and Interesting Languages of the Earth. Here's one to set the standard: Man marries dog for luck, then dies. I chuckled for ages over that.

Just one more topical item to mention for now - Spy-squirrel menace strikes Iran. There's even a paste-up picture of a squirrel in Middle Eastern combat gear.