PHONE ARE OUT

One of the joys of working in a large organisation is the occasional email from people who clearly are not used to typing, or probably even writing. For example:

PHONE ARE OUT
I WILL PUT MOBILE ON AS IT AN EMGENCY.

It reads like a ransom note. Perhaps he's a kidnapper in his spare time. I really don't understand why some people are incapable of writing in lower case. Do they hold the shift key down accidentally with their huge knuckles as they type? Or do they engage Caps Lock deliberately so they don't have to bust their brains working out where the big letters should go?

I know what it is. The Gumbies have finally learnt how to use email.

Situational Obviousness

It was with a familiar feeling of resignation that I attended a mandatory Situational Awareness course at work the other day. Previous experience shows that these company-mandated tick-the-box training sessions are usually dull squared.

In the event, it was OK. There were, however, a couple of truly impressive examples of tautology which I feel I must share with the wider world:

1. "Things that are difficult, aren't easy, are they?"
2. "You've got to experience experiences in order to gain experience."

Move over, Socrates.

National Karma

Yesterday a Eurostar train screamed into St. Pancras station, empty but for a few journalists, taking just over two hours to get to London from Paris across the shiny new High Speed 1 track. At the same time, hundreds of thousands of Londoners were taking much more than two hours to get from, say, Liverpool Street to St. Pancras, thanks to industrial action on the Underground. There you have British life in microcosm.

Much Largest Than World

I offer you a direct quote from this morning's spam. It looks as though it's arrived in English via, I suspect, Russian or Serbo-Croatian. Other than that, I believe it speaks for itself:

"Blondes always giggled at me and even gentlemans did in the municipal WC!
Well, now I laugh at them, because I took M_E GA D IK for 7 months and now my member is much largest than world."